1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize