Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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