we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You're earring is so big in my mouth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
