i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
