oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
