His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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