Did you just see the Batmobile???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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