you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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