i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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