just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
