Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
