She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
