yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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