my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
