My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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