I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
