the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
