I just saw a hot homeless man
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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