she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
