I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have started to decorate penises.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize