it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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