Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
