I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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