my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
