Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
