Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
