They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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