my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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