I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
