I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
