Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
