I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
