have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
