He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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