we're chasing vodka with high fives
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I FOUND THE LEGS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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