your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
