franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
