he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A+ Viking dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize