Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
