did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
