I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
