Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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