i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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