I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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