So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
