I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
