PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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