I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
