Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
