if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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