I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
