she looked like the before picture.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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