and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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