another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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