careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
