You made me cry and you don't even care
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
