I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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