If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
