Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
