im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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