I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize