She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
