don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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