it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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