did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Duck Duck Cougar?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
