I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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