I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
