my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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