Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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