I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
