She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
