Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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