ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
