So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
