oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
