let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
