So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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