If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
