I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
