Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
